SNABU: Situation Normal, All BAF’d Up!!

After R&R, I returned to a new office, new coworkers, and a million other changes. Along with us expats, the Finance department has expanded to now include people from Bosnia, Kosovo, and Macedonia. There are nine of us in a very confined amount of space. At least four languages are represented. Now, mix in hundreds of random employees stopping by to ask myriads of questions and you have yourself a real exciting day. Yes, my usage of “exciting” is very much intended to be read sarcastically!

Let me vent here briefly…LOGCAP IV employees make up the largest and most diversified workforce I’ve ever been a part of. I’ve met some incredibly smart people. However, the typical IQ seems to float somewhere around the mercury level at Anchorage, Alaska on a cold winter night. I’m further convinced that some of them couldn’t even spell their own names correctly without referencing a legal document. Okay, I’m done; now you know the caliber of people I have the privilege of dealing with.

My roles and responsibilities have been stretched once again. I’m directly responsible for all Finance training theatre-wide. We’re limiting focus to all the new hires here in BAF, to the tune of several hundred people a week, which requires a minimum of five training sessions. We have people from the States, Balkans, and KBR Transitions, meaning each class must be catered to match the mix of employees in attendance. Language (and IQ) barriers only further complicate matters. Ultimately, I’ll have trainers who will be here and traveling on a regular FOB-hopping rotation. This is the current plan, subject to change hourly, which would keep me primarily here in BAF.

I had no idea just how much customer service would be required for my daily job. Being here has increased my patience tremendously. I’ve gone from my Blackberry with G4 speed, to a cheapo Chinese knockoff on an Afghan network; from driving 150 mph in a sporty coupe, to a 20 passenger shuttle bus (when I’m not walking) and a 15 mph speed limit; from Costco, to an under-stocked PX. That list goes on and on, but I’m quite sure you get the idea. On top of all those changes, I must deal with questions from customers (i.e. Fluor employees) who often times don’t even know what it is they’re trying to ask. After several minutes of coaching them for information I finally get something substantial enough to use. Here’s a sampling for your entertainment.

While helping employee with timesheet…

Kevin: why haven’t you filled out your timesheet for Saturday thru Thursday?
Ditz (cute girl): isn’t today Saturday?
Kevin: haha, are you serious?
Ditz: yes
Kevin: (asking a coworker, is she messing with me?)
Kevin: it’s Thursday
Ditz: Ohhh, really?!?! (big smile)
Kevin: yes! (thinking to myself, lucky for her she’s cute)


Random employee who wondered into finance office…

Customer: I have a problem
Kevin: ok…what kind of problem?
Customer: paycheck
Kevin: what about your paycheck?
Customer: it’s not right
Kevin: how, exactly?
Customer: it’s not enough
Kevin: not enough money, hours, etc?
Customer: money
Kevin: are all your hours included?
Customer: I don’t know
Kevin: how many hours did you work?
Customer: I don’t know
Kevin: …??


While helping employee with R&R expense worksheet…

Kevin: please fill in your charge code
Clueless: what’s that?
Kevin: from your work authorization
Clueless: what’s that?
Kevin: the code you use on your timesheet
Clueless: where do I get that?
Kevin: let’s skip that part for now; just bring that info back later
Clueless: ok, but from where?
Kevin: your supervisor; now, when did you leave for R&R
Clueless: well, uh, um, I’m not sure
Kevin: what month was it?
Clueless: february
Clueless: I think
Kevin: okay, let’s look at a calendar to see which day
Clueless: no, march
Cueless: wait
Clueless: maybe it was february
Kevin: let’s look at your passport and find the stamp
Clueless: yes, that’s a good idea!
Kevin: (thinking to myself, yes, but not as good as sending you home)

Moral of the story – my patience have been callused to the point where I could now work any of the following jobs with superb rapport: Walmart Greeter, IRS Auditor, or Kindergarten Teacher. Thanks Afghanistan and LOGCAP IV for making all my dreams possible!

The Finance department has moved once again. To say that we upgraded would be a gross understatement; equivalent to saying the Bentley Phantom is a skosh nicer than a Kia Rio. We finally have sufficient space for all our needs. There are actual desks and some resemblance of an office that one would be accustomed to in the States.

My desk is actually located in the “cash cage” that is housed within a separate hard structure building, constructed with 12” thick concrete walls and ceilings. This is perhaps the most secure office on base; equipped with many levels of bars, doors, and locks. Why all the security? Not because I’m a deranged lunatic. I don’t think so anyway? We’re starting a cash advance program and need secure facilities. It’s like working in a bank; or prison – I know, all the jokes that could be made here! This should be a long-term set up for Finance. Once I get my landline phone I’ll be sure to send that out to everyone. Finally, one number to keep track of! Most of you wonder if I’ve joined the CIA because of the 20 different numbers I’ve called from. My official answer is, no.

R&R countdown has dipped below the three week mark!! It’s 20 and a wake up. I’m still in disbelief. Thinking there is no way I’ve been back for two months and already due for round two. No complaints from me though. I enjoy keeping busy and letting time fly by, plus the varied schedule is perfect. Training can actually be fun and I get to meet new people. Friday’s are mundane; however, they provide a nice break from all the customer service and onslaught of questions as we’re closed for payroll processing only.

I’ll attempt to update the blog once more before flying out for Greece. If not, you’ll probably get a phone call the night before. My R&R dates are 12-May thru 31-May. I’m going to purchase another SIM card for my cell phone and keep in touch online, when possible, throughout my stay. Hope everyone is doing well. I feel like I’ve lost contact with many of you recently. Just as I’m back into a routine, they make me go enjoy three weeks in Europe. Don’t make the rules; just have to follow them!